Old Men River

Canoeing can transform into a whole different experience when there are number of ways you can be killed doing it. I should have realized that during the drive out to the canoe launch Saturday morning when the driver gave us the top three things to watch out for. They were:

1) Alligators and venomous water snakes — "They are in the water and people see them all the time. If you fall in, just stay calm and bang your oar against the canoe. Usually that will scare away the alligators."
2) Strainers — "These are logs that are under the water that you can't see until you're right on top of them. They WILL flip you're canoe if you hit them wrong." NOTE: These were the topic of my disastrous canoe trip with Jessica last fall.
3) Paper wasps — "There are large nests of these wasps in some of the fallen trees strewn across the river. Especially watch out for one large one that is hard to see around this bend in the river. If you don't paddle hard enough, you'll run right into it."

Needless to say, those first few miles in the waters of the mighty Ocklawaha, too deep to see the bottom, were a bit nerve-racking.

Last weekend, I loaded up the Silver Bullet with outdoorsy-type things and made the decently-long trek — along with buddy Mike — to the outskirts of the Ocala National Forest, two hours north of Orlando, for a weekend of camping and canoeing. The area is unique because of the diverse wildlife. Not only are there the above-mentioned creatures, there are also black bears, bobcats, exotics birds and butterflies and, my favorite, rhesus monkeys that were introduced decades ago to try to establish a tourist spot (which ultimately failed).

It was an amazing way to get away from the city just at a time when I needed a break. After the initial fear of alligators wore off, the canoe trip provided hours of relaxation. The first five miles were part of the protected forest, so we didn't see any people or development or roads or houses the entire time. <> Unfortunately, we never saw any bears, bobcats, monkeys, alligators or snakes either. We did see a ton of beautiful storks and ospreys, as well as turtles, butterflies and HUGE spiders in overhanging trees. It was excellent.

Oh yeah! There was also another thing we missed. Our canoe guide told us that just one night before, about 70 cheerleaders (including a few from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, see bottom) stayed at the campsite during a summer cheerleading camp. Mike was especially angry when we heard this. I just cried for a little bit. The canoe guide wasn't as happy with it. Although he did seem creepy enough, he said the group overturned 5 of his canoes on a trip and didn't bring them back. Ha! But really, how can you be mad at cheerleaders? It's like punching Santa Claus.

I looked up book prices on the SBS web site today. I think I'm ready to head on back to Michigan soon.